Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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