wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
