Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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