I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
