Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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