You're completely useless in the revolution.
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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