i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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