Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
