so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
