my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Actions speak louder than pants.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
