This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
