i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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