i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
