what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
