he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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