can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
