is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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