ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
