the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
