and you said cock pushups were impossible
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I FOUND THE LEGS
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Randomize
