His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
