all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
