Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
He kissed a someone with a penis
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
