BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
