Don't make out with my wife yet
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
