it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Randomize
