so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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