Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
