I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Randomize
