he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
