If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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