And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
my sisters under your porch take her home
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
