96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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