I'm going to jail i love you
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
