did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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