I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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