I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
