He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I'm too high and old for this...
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
