Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Can I color on your dick again?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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