just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
