i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
