I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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