when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
