When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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