I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I'm jealous of your bromance
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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