i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
