I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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