thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
My ass is underappreciated
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
