i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
My penis needs a shock collar
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Randomize
