i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
My ATM looks so different sober.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
