There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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