Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize