are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
