Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I cut my penus on the lid.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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