everyone is single if you try hard enough
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
