tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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