The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
