are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize