Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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