she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
