he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
