On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
