I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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