The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Well I just put wine in my tea
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize