i just wanna soil my oats bro
she woke up with a sticky ear
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
i drank out of a bidet.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
