Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Just pee around me
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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