I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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