i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Is that strawberry winking at me??
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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