Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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