Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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