it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
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