So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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