I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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