see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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