508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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