Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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