Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
