I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
