put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
